I have a confession to make.........
I have always been a people pleaser
And where has that gotten me?
My whole life I have been the girl who makes sure everyone else is alright and over the past few years life has hit me so damn hard and smacked me awake.
I honestly feel like I have been walking around with my typical Piscean rose coloured glasses on, thinking that if I just give more of me to other people when I need them they will be there.
That’s the thing about hindsight, it's always 20/20.
I have been doing a lot of “healing your inner child” work over the past year and its all about going back to the time when you experienced a trauma that helped shape the person you have become.
These traumas create a feeling which we then identify with memories and how you react when that feeling presents itself again.
We create feelings and memories our whole lives and its why people come with baggage and why we need to heal these emotional wounds.
If you don't heal these core wounds they will control your life in a very negative way.
My inner child is always this little girl around 5 years of age and it's amazing how you can just picture yourself and see how innocent and undamaged you were.
My inner child is the playful, cheeky girl who always has the biggest smile and bounces around waving every time she sees me.
She loves unconditionally and just wants to make sure everyone feels special and happy.
She comes out in me still to this day but not as much as I would like and only a few people have ever really seen that side of me.
When she's present I feel her as I have this ear to ear smile for only the special people in my life.
I turn up the music, dance around the house and sing my heart out.
Unless you have known me since I was a kid, singing was the most important thing to me in the world and if I sing around you then you are one of the lucky ones I have let into my heart and soul.
I don’t really have too many memories from my childhood and the ones to do remember are the ones that turned me into a people pleaser.
I have a vivid memory of being at school when I was in year 1 where a group of girls told me I couldn’t play with them. They were sitting on top of one of those old-school wooden playgrounds and wouldn’t let me up to join them. As a kid those memories shape you and I didn’t understand why they didn’t want to play with me.
I know that this was a defining moment for me and I thought maybe if I was nicer to people and if I kept my mouth shut and they could treat me however they wanted they would like me. I felt like people wouldn't like the real me and just like a little kid that doesn't feel safe, they hide.
How sad is it to think that all we crave from people is love, approval and acceptance.
We all want to be liked and even loved but how much of that do we give to ourselves.
How much do we really let people see the real us?
Waking up and healing your inner child is really messy work.
I honestly didn’t know how hard it was going to be.
I have learnt there are parts of me I really don’t like and I have so much work to do.
One thing I have learnt is when I am grounded and in tune with my inner child, I am a fun, easygoing, happy, kind, caring and loyal person.
However, as soon as my inner child doesn’t feel safe the people pleaser comes out and that is when things get messy.
The people pleaser isn't the real me, this is the me who is trying to keep others happy and this is a very dangerous way to live as we can end up hurting the people we care about the most.
What happens here is we go back to that place of fear as a child. This is low vibrational energy and it's destructive.
If we try to please people all the time rather then speaking our truth eventually the truth comes spilling out and just like throwing a childhood tantrum we can't calm down until we feel safe again.
Think of how you comfort a child when they need you, we give them unconditional love, kind words, a comforting hug and they feel safe again. You have to give this kind of high vibrational energy to heal the traumas, everything else will just not work.
The people-pleaser has gotten the best of me my whole life and rather than being someone I'm not anymore I have learnt the very hard lesson that it is better, to tell the truth rather than comfort someone with a lie.
Are you a people pleaser?
Have you tried "Inner child" healing work yet?